Black women have a hard way to go – no rocket science here. This is especially true in the mating, beauty, and romance arena. As a demographic, they are least likely to marry, and most likely to bear children, minus a committed male partner and supporter. The negative implications of this are obvious and significant. Black women also present a tough exterior, physically and emotionally, perhaps as a result of their difficult circumstances. But what could be driving this disparity between male attraction to black women vs. women in general? Is it biological? Is it social?I will begin this blog-series with a personal note that my mother, sister, and former spouse of twenty years are all black. I have always found black women attractive from my earliest remembrance, but also see beauty in all ethnicities. Of overarching note, black women suffer attractiveness to all men, but most specifically to black men, who should otherwise be pre-disposed by ethnicity to lead the demand for them. The attention black men give black women can be summed up as predictably voluminous, but superficial and fleeting. At the end of the day, black men are not there for black women.
Along with greater mating disenfranchisement for black women as individuals, blacks as a group suffer this fleeting and lower male attraction, and the resulting social and economic disintegration. The loss to blacks, and society as a whole, via the failure-to-launch of the black nuclear family, is undeniable. School performance is off, unemployment soars, and crime and prison populations flourish.
As part of the series, over the coming weeks I will consider factors of attractiveness that include hair length, hair color, hip-to-waist ratio (width), body fat percentage, and education/professional attainment, as key drivers to the behavior of men, especially black men, toward black women. The goal is to close a little bit of the gap in our understanding of why black women take it on the chin, when it comes to partnering, both intra and inter-racial, and what might need to happen for a shift of results in the other direction.
I am open to initial thoughts on the topic.
James C. Collier
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No systemic or social factors of "attraction"?
ReplyDeleteAs a newly single Black woman who is often accused of not being Black enough this is mildly depressing and true, in my opinion. I feel like I have to achieve some standard of perfection just to get respect and love from a black man. But what kills me the most is that while I have to be way up he (the Black man) can be at any stage and does not feel like he has to be at my level or higher.
ReplyDeleteI'm with PPR_Scribe. Hoping to see some thoughts not just on hair length and skin color, but how society, culture, the legacy of otherness, etc. have influenced standards of beauty and ideas about self worth. Looking forward to the series.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you will examine this not only as a snapshot of the present but also how the situation has changed over time.
ReplyDeleteThe "narrative of oppression" that some of the above commenters want to hear would imply that the situation has stayed the same or gotten better since the Civil Rights era, when in fact it has gotten much worse.
Although it will certainly disappoint some, this series will focus on factors within the control of women. We can point out how jacked-up the world might be in its reflective view, but at the end of the day, black women, and blacks as group, are left with what we can do right now to get what we want, minus finger pointing (deserved or not) easily ignored.
ReplyDeleteOK, James--your blog, your factors. :) As a Black woman with a PhD (and married for 15+ years, BTW), I'll be particularly interested in the "education/professional attainment" factor within Black women's control.
ReplyDeletealso consider the plight of the black man and how that plays a role in situations with the earths
ReplyDelete@sungod, no doubt the 'plight' of black men influences their behavior, as it does for all men, but I believe, and hope, that black women have greater access to control than they exhibit, and therefore it is worthwhile to showcase that power.
ReplyDeleteThis should be interesting. Can't wait.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that we'll find that its all black women's fault. Like most everything in the black community tends to be. [/end sarcasm]. Personally, I think any woman that gets married is a fool.
ReplyDeleteWhy would you want to marry someone that's constantly going to put you down and then leave you for a white woman? I have a very negative view of marriage.
wickedwisdom, I assure you that this series is not about finding fault. I am interested in helping people see that they have more leverage (control) than they might believe in order to gain a desired benefit, but benefits always come with cost, as well.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how black women can have such bad numbers in the dating market.
ReplyDeleteFor my experience, most white women are overgrown spoiled brats that haven't realized yet that they are not in high school anymore.
Black women are in general more emotionally mature and make more stable parterns for men of any race.
I am a non-american white guy living in the USA, so my experience is limited, but this is what I have seen so far.
"Black women are in general more emotionally mature and make more stable partners for men of any race."
ReplyDeleteLet's assume this to be mostly true. Could/should blk women temporarily consider how best to highlight their appeal to all races, and the blk man will later catch up?
I'm avoiding pointing the finger of historical reasons why I think blk men make some of the choices they do, with the accompanying, 'get over it' and get real.
Smile, some data suggest a consistency of response between males (including black males) toward black females that warrants consideration. We are all recipients of our behaviors, permanent or temporary, and asking others to change for us (even with proven efficacy) holds little promise. Therefore, the beginning is the end, formed as 'what do black women want?', and 'what must they do to get it?'.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this happens in in the US. Can somebody find out?
ReplyDelete"We are all recipients of our behaviors, permanent or temporary, and asking others to change for us (even with proven efficacy) holds little promise. Therefore, the beginning is the end, formed as 'what do black women want?', and 'what must they do to get it?'."
ReplyDeletePerhaps they want a good father, husband, partner for life. So, they could consider how best to highlight their appeal to all races.
I find your blog interesting, and this article in particular. However, i think a peek backwards to the formative days of childhood, can give us a better clue as to why women are having to make their way without good men to stand by their side.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I have to ask women to step up to one more thing, Guide our children to see the importance of growing up to be a good man, a responsible man, a man who knows that taking care of his family is the measure of his worth. But we women have to give them that lesson, we have to teach them, we have to show them.
We cant let our baby girls think it is ok to accept less than a man who will pull his weight, and hold his family with the highest of reverence, a man who understands his role, a man who gives honor to his family.
This is the man we women have to raise.
This is the woman we women have to raise.
Its Not ok to accept less, but these men and women have to grow up knowing what their role is from day one.
I am interested in helping people see that they have more leverage (control) than they might believe --JC
ReplyDeleteI'm late on this series but I can't help but notice one important factor related to your comment above...black women have a lot more control over our fate than we believe. Many of us would prefer to blame everyone else for our status than ourselves. It's everyone elses fault that we are unmarried, childless, single mother of multiple children, etc.
However, some may naturally view your series as an attack since you are a man, similar to a white person writing a series about how black men can create a better image for themselves. I will admit that it would be better if black women would place mirrors in front of the faces of other black women. The problem is, only a few are doing that at the moment.
I dunno man. You sound pretty mangina-ish blaming all black men for why black women are single. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. You are a black man, so you condem yourself. You condem my father who has been married to my mother for 30 years. You condem me who tried to be a loving husband to a worthless woman. Stop being such a feminist brah. Let's face it, most women aren't worth marriage. They are there for fun. The few that are tend to be married. Some women are single and baby mamas because that's all they are worth, they are not an assest to a man in any sense. Don't just diss the brothers, be a real man, tell the whole truth.
ReplyDelete